


The Jealous Heart

by pandorabox82



Category: Holby City
Genre: Berena Fix: Equal, Berena Fix: Jealousy, Berena Fix: Recovery, Berena Fix: Sacrifice, Berena Fix: Staring, F/F, Weekly Berena Fix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-10-12 07:26:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17463182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorabox82/pseuds/pandorabox82
Summary: Serena decides to snoop on Bernie's Facebook profile after having a quick talk with Cameron. What she sees there sparks jealousy in her heart, but will that lead to a moment of reconnection between them?





	1. Chapter 1

Serena had been avoiding social media, specifically Bernie's social media, ever since they had gone their separate ways. She had even made it a point to mute Bernie from her Facebook feed, since she didn't want to be reminded of all the things she had lost due to her stupidity. And while she knew that Bernie was being kind by intimating that she had also cheated on Serena, she also knew that there was no way on this earth that Bernie had been as weak as she was, not when she had risked so much by being with Serena in the first place.

That avoidance had ended today, when Cam had come down to talk to her, unloading about how Jac was riding him tighter than a jockey rides a race horse. She had tried to avoid giggling at that description, since it was so fitting, but then he had given her a look so much like the longsuffering looks Bernie had given her once upon a time and she had burst into a gale of laughter. Cameron had let out a huffy breath before turning on his heel and leaving the office and closing the door firmly behind him. Knowing that she had to reach out to Bernie, she had called up her Facebook profile and went to write on her wall, even though she knew Cam would see. Her hands hovered over her keyboard when she saw that Bernie had posted a few new pictures, going so far as to make one her new profile picture.

The mirth that was in her heart crumbled to ashes as she took in the fact that Bernie's new profile picture included a younger brunette woman who was gazing adoringly up at Bernie's face, even though she was looking at the camera. Before the tears could take over her body, though, a flash of white hot jealousy ran through Serena. The suddenness of it took her aback, as she hadn't realized that she could still be so possessive over someone who was no longer a part of her life. Letting out a deep sigh, she quickly closed the tab on her laptop and pulled out her phone instead, bringing up her text messages and writing to her former partner there.

_Your son is going to find himself in for a rude awakening if he doesn't stop needling Jac Naylor! Though I am ever so glad that someone can give back to her what she dishes out. Maybe it really does take the courage of the young to truly buck expectations and take risks. Certainly seems to be the case for you! She's lovely, by the by, and you look so happy. Tell me all the details! x_

Serena pressed the send button before she could second guess herself, before she let her jealousy get the better of her. As she stared at the screen, she noticed the three bouncing dots appear, and she stared at them, wondering what Bernie was going to write back. They continued on for some time before stopping, with no message forthcoming, and Serena felt her shoulders sag as she exited out of her messages and set her phone aside so that she could focus on end of day admin paperwork and then head home. She had just gotten back into a good rhythm when her phone rang.

Looking at the screen, she felt the blood drain from her face when she saw Bernie's smiling face staring up at her. Drawing in a deep breath, she answered the call, hoping that she sounded a little bit normal. "I was not expecting you to call!"

"You're the one who texted me, Serena."

"Well, yes, but that doesn't necessitate a phone call, you could have texted me back." In two sentences, they were already sniping at each other, and those tears she had been able to hold back earlier started slipping down her face silently. "How are you?"

"Tired. There were a large number of trauma cases brought in today, as a result of the terror attack that took place. The, the young woman in my profile picture was one of my registrars. She was doing everything right, trying to help people, and that didn't seem to matter."

Bernie's voice broke, and Serena felt so guilty for her momentary spark of jealousy. Suddenly, all the miles between them seemed to melt away, and she sighed heartbrokenly as she leaned back in her chair, looking at the ceiling of the office, trying to rein in her emotions, knowing that her focus had to be on Bernie, not on herself. "I am so sorry that you lost her," she murmured as her free hand rubbed her chest absently, trying to soothe herself and Bernie. "Do, do you need any help?"

"We always need help, Serena. Especially now. But I would never ask you to come here again." A part of her bristled at the tone Bernie was taking with her, but she waited to see what she would say next. "We have so much to talk about that I can't tell you over the phone, things I didn't know when I took this dream job, but I cannot ask you to come here. I want you to always be safe."

"Why wouldn't I be safe here?"

A long sigh tripped across her ears and Serena hunched her shoulders together as she waited for Bernie to reply. "I didn't know because I didn't do my research properly, but this is not a safe space for us. Young people know these things, research these things, in a way that I just didn't think of, being in the closet for so much of my life. We're behind the eight ball, and I, I want to be home."

"Oh," she breathed out, a wave of sorrow sweeping over her heart. "Can, can you back out of your contract? Now that I know about your safety concerns, I want to protect you. You said that you'd come back in a heartbeat if anyone even thought about hurting me. Can't it be the same for myself?"

A tiny, watery, chuckle burst from Bernie's mouth, and Serena could just picture how she looked in that moment. "My fierce little Serena. I love that you want to take on this battle. But you're just one person against an entire government."

"I could still try?"

"And I have no doubt that you would do your damnedest to make certain that things changed before you were kicked out of the country or hurt. There is only one of those outcomes that I could live with, so I wouldn't want you taking the risk. I'm a big macho army medic, remember? I can take care of myself, I hope."

"It's that doubt that worries me. Bernie?"

There was a slight pause on the other end of the line, as if she knew what Serena was about to say, and then she heard her beloved's voice once more. "Yeah?"

"I love you. But that was never the problem between us, was it?"

"No. Hearing you say that, though, will help me make it through the next few weeks, as we try to recover from this devastation. You just, you don't think that such things are going to happen until they do. Since I have you on the line, would you mind telling me about what's happening at Holby?"

"If you have the time, I have to voice," she replied. There was something so lovely about being able to talk to Bernie, to fill her in on the workings of the hospital, since she knew that that would take her mind off what was happening in Nairobi. "So, we have a new ward. The Trust decided that Holby needs an image makeover, so we have this woman, Ange Godard, running a young adult unit, taking over half of Keller. She's friends with Tom Campbell Gore, who seems to know you quite well. According to him, I'm not enough lipstick for you, to be your arm candy."

"He said that?"

"Yes. I made certain to put him in his place, though. Small man syndrome never suits anyone well."

That sweet bark of a laugh erupted from Bernie's lips, causing her to giggle along with her. "I can see him saying that, honestly. How did he react to your verbal dressing down?"

"He had a heart attack!"

"No!"

"Honest. He was in the middle of surgery with Mister Copeland and Henrik, and just fell back onto the floor. He's doing better now, but let me tell you, I felt really guilty for straining his heart so."

"You had no way of knowing the state of his heart, Serena, and he's alive. There's nothing to feel guilty of. How's Cameron fitting in on Keller?"

"Like I texted, he's giving Jac a run for her money. He has a nickname that he can't stand, which is par for the course with Jac, but means that he's fitting in. I think that she's going to make a great doctor out of him yet. You'd be so proud of him, Bernie! And…thank you for not running me down with him or Charlotte. I know that I was the one who destroyed things between us, and that you had every right to tell them the entire truth, but the fact that you spared me of that means the world."

"We'll always be a family of sorts, so I would never think about airing our dirty laundry. The full truth of everything deserves to be ours and ours alone. Because it doesn't influence how I feel about you, in the end." There was another pause, and then Serena heard a slight sniffle that told her Bernie was crying again. "I love you, Campbell. I don't think I'm quite as tough as I make myself out to be, but still, I love you. Thank you for texting me tonight. I really needed a friend to talk to."

"Thank Cameron, he was the one who came in here ranting. Now, tell me all about your friend who passed. She truly did look like a lovely young woman."

"Okay," Bernie whispered, and Serena smiled sadly as she got up from her desk and made her way over to the sofa, settling in to listen to Bernie talk about the person she had just lost, grateful that her jealous heart had resulted in something so lovely happening between Bernie and herself on a night when there had been such tragedy in her life.


	2. Chapter 2

"Are you completely certain that you want to do this, Serena?"

She looked steadily into Henrik's eyes, giving him a tight smile. "I have to, honestly. Cameron says that Bernie is trying to hold it together, but she's been running herself ragged, trying to be all things to all people, and she's quickly burning herself out. If I don't go help her out, who else will save her from herself? I know you would do the same for Roxanna, if she was in the same position. I haven't heard much from her as to how things are going in Nairobi, and the silence on that front is starting to worry me." Reaching out, Serena touched his arm, curling her fingers around his bicep as she rubbed her lips together. "Look, I've done my research now. I understand the risk I'm taking. But I can pass, and I know that we'll be careful. But I have to help her aid in the recovery of her trauma ward."

Henrik took a deep breath before nodding. "I understand. I'll approve the leave that you need, so long as you promise that you'll stay safe and come back to us, perhaps with a certain trauma surgeon in tow." He gave her a soft smile, and she tried to return the expression, instead scrunching her lips to the left as she tried not to cry. "I'll make certain that Mister Dunne is informed of your decision, though I'm assuming that you'll inform Jason yourself?"

"Yes. I'd be grateful, however, if you could watch out for him when he's here. He hasn't had the easiest time with Ange, and I know that she's tried to apologise for the way she's treated him, but it's starting to become a pattern, and I, I don't want his spirit to be crushed by unthinking cruelty. I know she means well, I just cannot reconcile those two sides of her. Perhaps one day."

"I understand. She does have a certain brusque manner that takes getting accustomed to. I know that Roxanna isn't taking to her just yet, either."

"There will always be those people that don't mesh well. I promise that I won't let it affect the way I work with her, however. I'm old enough not to drag unnecessary drama into the workplace. For the most part," she said, giving him a knowing wink. "After all, when business and pleasure mix, some drama is inevitable. Give Roxanna all my best," she said as she squeezed his arm. He nodded in response and she gave him a truer smile as she turned and made her way down the rest of the stairs, heading out to the parking lot with a determined set to her chin, her heart no longer quite so fretful since she had a definite plan ahead of her.

Two days later, Serena was on a plane to Nairobi, a carry on bag and her purse the only things she was taking with her, since she didn't want the hassle of waiting for luggage when she just wanted to get to Bernie's side. Once they were at a cruising altitude, she pulled out her tablet and connected to the inflight Wi-Fi, reading through the current news on the situation in Kenya before looking up the young woman who had passed. Bernie was right, she was an incredible woman, and it was a shame that such a bright light had been so quickly snuffed. Before she could burst into tears, Serena exited out of the app and started to read a frothy book, needing that to take her mind off the situation that she was stepping into.

The eleven hour flight seemed to take twice as long, since she was so anxious to get there, but finally, they were touching down and she trooped off the plane behind the rest of her row mates, feeling a flutter of anxiety bubble up in her stomach as she got in line for customs. She was surprised that it didn't take as long as she had expected it to, though she had to assume that that was a direct result of her country of origin, and then she was heading for the car rental kiosk and picking up the car she'd booked.

As Serena got all the mirrors situated for her line of vision, she turned the air conditioning up, finding the heat oppressive, compared to what it was like back home. Finally, she was under way, listening to her GPS direct her to the trauma centre that Bernie worked for, parking in the visitor lot before pocketing the keys and making her way inside. It was a bustle of activity, and Serena drew in a deep breath, trying not to feel overwhelmed at the mix of Swahili and English that was being spoken. Taking a deep breath, she tried to orient herself, listening for Bernie's voice in the crowd. But she found herself recognizing her partner's laugh first, and she turned towards the sound, her eyes locking on her slim form, a wide smile spreading across her lips as she stepped towards her.

"Serena?" the woman said, looking shocked to see her there, and she nodded before closing the distance between them, making certain not to be overly affectionate, knowing that that could land them in a bit of trouble. "What brought you here?"

"I thought that you could still use an extra set of hands, to help you recover from everything that happened. Even if I can't do any procedures, I can at least organize and stock and whatnot."

The brief look of relief on Bernie's face told her that she had made the right decision, and Serena tried not to smile too widely when she reached out and squeezed her arm softly. "I will put you to work as soon as you can get changed into a pair of scrubs."

"Lead the way, then." Bernie nodded before squeezing her arm once more and then turning on her heel and taking off at a fast clip. Serena had to almost jog to keep up with her, but she found that being in her presence was enough to make up for that small exertion. "I don't have a lock, so can I use yours?" she asked as she looked around the locker room.

"Of course, here, hand me your purse while you find your size and change."

Serena gave her a small smile as she thrust her purse into Bernie's hands before shrugging out of her blouse and handing that over as well, keeping her vest on as she rummaged around the stacks of scrubs on the shelves, knowing that the sizes would be slightly different, as it was a different country. Finally, she found something that she figured would fit close enough, and she shucked off her trousers, tossing them at Bernie as she pulled the top on and then stepped into the bottoms, pulling them up to her waist before looking at Bernie, seeing that she was smiling at her warmly. "What?"

"I'd forgotten how good you look in scrubs. The last time I saw this, we were a bit at odds."

She bit her lip, thinking back to that fraught time with a little unease. "Well, I'm here to listen to whatever you say, and start the recovery here. Oh, and Henrik told me that I had to drag you back home to Holby. We're still desperately short doctors in the ED, and I know that Connie and Elle would welcome having your experience there."

"You really want me home, don't you?"

"Yes. I've had time to reflect upon my behavior, and I know that I royally fucked up. Even if you stay with Cam, and don't talk to me, I want you there, and Henrik wants you there. I have three weeks of leave, so it's not like I'm asking you to make your choice right now, just, think about it."

"Campbell, you are too good at pushing my buttons," Bernie murmured, glancing towards the door to make certain that no one was coming in. Flipping the lock as she came over to Serena's side, she wrapped her arms around her waist and hugged her tightly, burying her nose in Serena's hair and breathing in deeply. "Though I am so glad that you're here. I didn't know that I needed to see a friendly, familiar, face until I looked up and saw you."

"Then I cam at exactly the right time, didn't I?" Serena turned her head enough so that she could press her lips against Bernie's cheek. "All right, Major, put my hands to work where they'll be the most useful."

"Of course, Fraulein," she murmured in reply before caressing her face softly. "We are going to recover together, I just have this feeling. Now that you're here, with me, willing to help me. Thank you for knowing what I needed, before I did."

"I'm just doing what I wish others in my life, before you, had done. We always have to support our friends through the trials of their life. Otherwise, we're shite friends." Bernie chuckled at that before hugging her once more, and Serena sighed, knowing that even if it was only for a brief moment, she was back where she belonged.


	3. Chapter 3

"Yes, Jason, I know that things are a bit dire back at Holby, but I need to be here right now. Bernie needs me. Besides, Henrik told me that the new YAU doctor is quite good…"

"She's not you, Auntie Serena. And besides, she works with different patients than you do. Zav is spending all his time with Donna. And it seems like there's no place for me here, without you. I miss listening to you sing to Guinevere, even if you can't sing all that well. Do you have any idea when you're returning home?"

She drew in a deep breath, trying to be as quiet about it as possible, so that Jason wouldn't hear her frustration with the whole situation. A soft hand on her shoulder caused her to look up, and she smiled a little when she saw Bernie there, a glass of water in her hand. "It will probably be another month, at the least. There are still so many things that Bernie needs help with, and I don't want to leave her in a lurch. I'm sorry, Jason, truly I am. But my place right now is by her side."

Bernie tilted her head to one side, giving her a concerned look, and she shook her head as she waited for Jason to respond. "All right, I suppose. One month, and then I will want to see you back at home. You're missing far too many of Guinevere's milestones."

He always did know how to hit her sore spots, even though he didn't mean to, and Serena had to blink back tears as she thought about all that she was missing with her great niece. "I understand, darling. Give Guinevere and Greta my love, and try to spend some time with Cameron. I know that he might be missing his mother as well."

"I shall, Auntie Serena. Give Major Bernie my love, as well."

Serena smiled as she nodded. "I will. And I'll try to talk to you more frequently, all right?"

"All right. Good bye."

They hung up, and Serena buried her face in her hands as she let out a long breath as she tried to not allow frustration to overtake her. She loved her nephew, very much, but there were times when his Asperger's overwhelmed and mystified her, and this was one of them. She had known, deep in her heart, that this change in his routine would upset him, but the desire to be with Bernie and help her had overwhelmed the need to stay by his side.

"How is Jason doing?" Bernie asked gently when Serena had finally looked up, reaching out for her glass of water and taking a small sip. "That bad?"

"Everyone has to make sacrifices for the ones they love, yes?" Bernie nodded. "Then why do I feel so off kilter for telling him that I needed to be here now, rather than in Holby City?"

"Because you love us both, so your heart is split between wanting to be here and there. Eventually, something will shift or give, and you'll make the hard choice once more, and one of us will lose you. And one of us will have to grow accustomed to having a very large hole in our hearts where you should be."

From the sound of Bernie's voice, it seemed like she had already decided that Serena would choose to go back to Holby. Giving the woman a sad smile, she took another sip of water, trying to gather her words and tell Bernie what was weighing so heavily on her. "I didn't realise that my presence made that much of an impression on anyone."

Bernie snorted. "I call bull on that one, Campbell. You know exactly the sort of impression you leave on people. And the people who fall in love with you, in whatever capacity, are the ones left with the ghosts of your being after you've left. So, I guess, there's sacrifice on all our parts."

Serena nodded and sighed as she turned towards her computer screen, trying to keep from crying. If they were home, at Holby, she could have gotten up and hugged Bernie as tightly as she wanted to in that moment. But being here in Nairobi, where the reality of who they were could cause such trouble for them, she felt constrained. Just as the tears trembling on her lashes threatened to roll down her face, though, she was struck by a wad of paper.

Looking up at Bernie, she saw that the woman was giving her a soppy smile, and she pursed her lips together as she nodded a little. "One month, and then you're heading back to England. We'll have to make these last four weeks together count."

"I never said that I'd be going back. These weeks here have taught me that your presence will leave a large hole in my heart when it's gone. But there's no way I can ask you to leave, not after I've been hand's on here, seeing what you do here. So, I guess we're back to where we were in December."

Bernie licked her lips, about to respond, when the door to their office opened. "I'm sorry, doctors, but there's a major incident that's being brought in, and we're going to need both of you."

"That's our cue," Bernie said as she popped to her feet, hurrying after the nurse who had came in. Serena was a little slower to respond, as she felt so bereft in that moment. Shaking her head, she quickly found her focus, and stepped into the fray, losing herself in the frenetic energy of trying to save as many lives possible in a trauma centre that wasn't nearly as sophisticated as what she was accustomed to in Holby.

Hours later, she was stepping out of theatre and washing up, feeling thoroughly exhausted. "Go home, Doctor Campbell, you look dead on your feet. The clinic can survive without you for the last hour of your shift."

She looked over at the lead doctor, giving him a little smile. "Thank you, Jakob."

"I'm just trying to stay on your good side, so that you'll think about staying. We need good doctors like you here."

A small chuckle slipped from her lips as she patted his upper arm. "The bribes would have to be quite a bit larger to entice me to do something that my heart isn't set on. Though I will be here for one more month, at least, so that should give you enough time to think of an appropriately large enticement," she teased, though she could feel that the smile on her lips wasn't quite as warm as she wished it to be.

"We will have to see about that," he joked back, and she nodded, looking over his shoulder to see Bernie disappear into the office. A part of her wanted to go and check in with her, but Serena knew that that would be pressing their luck, so she scurried outside and made her way to the bus stop to wait. Since they had driven in together, there wasn't any other option available to Serena, and she resigned herself to the joys of public transportation.

"Serena! Hold up!"

She turned to watch Bernie jog over to her side. There was something so stirring about watching her run, though the more carnal side of her knew that she was close to ogling her in plain sight. Shaking her head, Serena plastered on what she hoped was a serene smile as Bernie came to a stop next to her. "Don't you still have a few hours to put in?"

"Jakob let me go when he heard that I was your chauffer. Seems that part of his campaign to woo you here permanently is making certain that you don't face an unnecessary inconveniences."

"Well, if he tries any more gestures like this, you might not be able to get rid of me," she retorted as they made their way to Bernie's car. Again, that welcome bark of a laugh filled the air between them, and Serena wondered how she could ever possibly give this up. But she wouldn't jeopardise Bernie's position or her life by being selfish and trying to become a part of Bernie's life once more. It wasn't until they were driving that she turned to look at Bernie, feeling a little safer to speak freely when it was just the two of them. "I want to stay. I love the work. I love what we're doing. I love you. And that is the problem."

"Why would loving me be the problem?"

"Because if we stay here, and I be my usual self, I'll slip up and touch you a little to long, let my gaze linger inappropriately, and then you would suffer as a result. I would rather walk through the halls of Holby General like a zombie, biting people's heads off, and generally acting like I don't believe in love, if it meant that you were safe from my little lapses in judgment."

Bernie slipped one hand off the wheel and reached over to cover Serena's knee with it. "How have we gotten to this point? Where we acknowledge that we love each other, but now we're trying to be all noble and self-sacrificing and giving up our one shot at happiness. One month, and we go home to Holby, together. It will be difficult, and we are going to have so many things to work on, but we have something between us that we haven't been able to move on from, so I think that it's time to stop sacrificing our happiness for what we think we should do. And if we were not out in public, I would leave over and kiss you."

Serena found herself in tears once more, but they were happy ones this time, and she only hoped that this would lead to the joy that they both deserved after everything they had gone through in three short years.


	4. Chapter 4

"Is everything all right?"

Serena looked over at Bernie and gave her a tired smile. "I just got a rather interesting email from Henrik. It seems that we missed out on a rather devastating cyber attack on both us and St. James's."

"Oh?" Bernie scooted her chair a little closer to Serena, looking into her eyes. "Is everything all right?"

"No. We're both needed back home, if you're still willing to come with me. Sacha is out of commission for the foreseeable future, and Ange is rubbing people the wrong way with a right to die case. Henrik sounds like he's at the end of his rope, and I truly need to get back there. We'd be on equal footing again, since you would be essentially running AAU until he's back on his feet. And if you were needed in trauma, then you would float down to the ED. If you wanted to come back with me."

There was a long pause as Bernie stared at her. Serena found herself rubbing her lips back and forth as she waited for an answer from Bernie. "I guess that we have some packing to do when we get home," she finally replied, a nervous smile lifting the corner of her lips. Serena let out a tremendous breath of relief as she went to lean forward and kiss her partner, only to stop short when she remembered exactly where they were.

"I'll email Henrik and tell him to expect us back there in a week's time?" she asked as she turned her attention back to her laptop, starting to tap away on the keys. Still, a small sigh escaped her lips when Bernie slipped her hand under the desk and squeezed her thigh, the look she gave Serena enough to fuel a hundred nighttime fantasies. Trying to keep a poker face, she continued to write to him, all the while Bernie slid her hand up her thigh and then let her thumb rub along the seam in her trousers, teasing her clit so that she had to shift uncomfortably in her seat.

"Equals, yes? That does have a rather lovely ring to things," she purred, using Serena's usual inflections on her. Serena glared as Bernie got up from her chair and sashayed over to the door, giving Serena a broad wink before scooting out, closing the door behind her with a firm thud.

"I don't know how I'll make it one more week," she muttered before shaking her head a little. If it was the oppressive heat, so different from England, it was going to be the heat of the looks Bernie gave her that did her in. Trying to regain her focus, Serena read her email once more to make certain that she was making sense and hadn't accidentally written what was on her mind. After changing a word or two, she pressed the send button, telling Henrik of the good news before shutting the laptop down and then packing it away in her bag.

Looking around the office, she found that there really wasn't anything personal that she was going to need to bring home. Both she and Bernie had left everything in the apartment, making the office an almost sterile place, but that was the way that she liked it, since she had always known that this would be a temporary assignment for her, if not for both of them. Still, she supposed that she would miss the trauma facility. It had sharpened her skills in ways that she would never have gotten at Holby, and that would ultimately make her a better surgeon when she was home, and for that she would always be grateful.

It was also the place that had allowed her to heal her broken relationship with Bernie. Removed from the stressors that had put major cracks in their foundation, and being unable to act on their more passionate urges, she had found herself opening up to Bernie, sharing more of her feelings and thoughts, and working on being the couple they should have been, right from the start. They had been best friends at one point, and then when their romance had started, they had left that behind them for the passion of everything. This time in Kenya had given them a better way to rebuild that friendship and work on a stronger foundation for things to go to the next level once they were home.

Trying to shake the nostalgic thoughts from her mind, Serena went over to the door and slipped out into the corridor, making certain to turn the lights off before she left. It was easy to wave at her colleagues, to smile and be cheerful, now that she knew she was going home and with her lover. Bernie was waiting for her in the car, as if she had known that Serena would be following along shortly. "Did you get your email sent?"

"Yes. And knowing Henrik, I'll probably have an answer by the time we get home. And it will be so nice to be able to step outside without feeling like I'm going to need a shower. I thought that I would grow accustomed to this heat, but no."

Bernie laughed as she turned the car on, backing out of her spot. "I warned you about that when you came to visit me the first time. And you complained about it then."

"Hush! I knew what to expect, but I still feel like I'm dying when not in air conditioning." Thumping back against her seat, she let out a deep sigh. "Though, all things being equal, I suppose that it could also be worse this time around due to my menopause."

"There is that, Serena."

She shook her head and turned up the radio as Bernie drove back to the apartment. "So, I'll set the laptop up on the kitchen table and check out flights if you want to make supper for us," she said as Bernie parked in their spot.

"Make certain you look for direct flights, if possible. And business class seats."

"Oh, not first class?" she teased, watching Bernie roll her eyes as she climbed out of the car, Serena following after her. "We could even hire a person to sit back in business class who will carry all our stuff in the airport so that we don't have to do a thing! We can be jetsetters!"

"Serena Wendy Campbell, if you do not stop that right now, I will…"

"You'll what?"

Bernie clamped her lips shut as she gave Serena a look that caused her to instantly blush, and she shakily nodded as they walked in silence to their door, Bernie letting them in as quickly as possible. As soon as Serena was inside the door, she found that the other woman slammed it closed before almost roughly pushing her against it and capturing her lips in a torrid kiss as she pressed herself against Serena. "This is what I'll do," she panted out before kissing Serena once more, her hands cupping Serena's face as the kiss lingered on.

She sagged a little against the door as Bernie finally ended the kiss, a soft sigh slipping from her lips as she stared up into her lover's eyes. "Oh, if you kiss me like that every day, I don't think I'll ever be able to think about another person," she breathed out, watching as a self-satisfied smirk stole across Bernie's face.

"That was the point, Serena. I know you, and your jealous heart. You need to know that these kisses are only for you." She nodded before leaning forward and wrapping her arms around Bernie's waist, tugging her close once more as she buried her face in the crook of Bernie's neck, so glad that she had allowed her jealous heart to prod her to see Bernie, since it seemed that they were now on equal footing in their relationship and making progress towards a brighter future together.


	5. Chapter 5

Serena found herself staring out the window of the plane as it taxied down the runway. She found that a part of her heart would truly miss Nairobi, since it was the place that had given her back her heart, but she was also excited to finally head home and be able to hold Guinevere close and interact with her colleagues, and just get back into a smoother routine. Bernie chuckled a little, catching her attention, and Serena turned her head to look at her lover. "What?"

"You are staring out that window like you can find all the answers to the universe outside."

"Maybe I can," she shot back, winking at Bernie as she settled into her seat, lifting up the armrest so that they could sit as close together as possible during the long flight. "Are you looking forward to seeing Cameron again?"

"I don't know. We've left things in a sort of nebulous place, since he doesn't seem to want to listen to my advice. Apparently, he's taken a shine to the new YAU department head's daughter."

"Oh, god," Serena muttered as she leaned back in her seat, trying not to clutch at Bernie's hand as they took off. Even though she knew that things were perfectly safe, there was still that momentary stab of panic at leaving the ground that she could never quite control. "Henrik's sent me a few emails about Ms Goddard, and it sounds like I'm going to be walking into a minefield upon my return. I would advise Cameron to keep his distance from the whole family until this Holly Cartwright business blows over. I was the one who advised Henrik to take the case to the court system, since it became such a terrible muddle."

"Sounds like you need to whip the troops into shape, _fr_ _ä_ _ulein_ ," Bernie replied before checking her with her shoulder. Serena laughed as she shook her head, turning her body so that she could look at Bernie as she slung an arm around her waist, finding herself content to now stare at her partner's face rather than the scenery.

"I don't know if I want to be a heavy hand, though, darling. Sometimes a light touch is best." She knew that the way she lowly pitched her voice always got to Bernie, and she smirked at her when she squirmed in her seat. "Sometimes, you only need one finger…"

"And sometimes we're in a metal tube, hurtling through the sky, and can't do things with a gentle touch." There was a slight growl to her words, and she knew that she was getting to Bernie. "We're both of an age where we cannot join the mile-high club!"

"But darling, we do hav

"No," she murmured as she welcomed Bernie's hand on her shoulder as she leaned in and stared out the window with her. "I wish that we could see more, though. I don't know if we'll ever get back to this part of the world." Her partner nodded against her, and she smiled as she reached up to cover Bernie's hand, squeezing softly as she leaned back against her.

"There will be time for holidays, Serena. We could even get one of those maps and put pushpins in it, to indicate where we've been, and where we want to go."

"I like the way you think," she replied lowly as the flight attendant cleared her throat. They sat back in their seats and Serena smiled thinly at her. "I'll take the chicken," she replied, knowing that that was always an option on flights, and the woman nodded, giving them both a small smile when Bernie asked for the same thing. "I wish that I had thought to pick up snacks in the airport."

"That would have been a tad bit better than this, yeah," Bernie replied as she pulled back the foil on the small tin that held their meal.

"Ah well, I'm certain that Jason will have something good ready for us once we get home." Bernie nodded and poked and prodded at the food. Rolling her eyes gently, she opened her own entrée and ate out the best parts of it before devouring her roll and washing it down with apple juice she had ordered. Bernie finished up shortly after her, and then they were cuddling together once more, watching the flight map on the back of the seat. "Only a few more hours, and we'll be back in England. After a few months away, it doesn't seem real."

"We could always go back," Bernie teased, rubbing her hand up and down Serena's arm.

"We could, but I think Jason would permanently disown me. I feel like I'm continually running from place to place, like my home isn't my home anymore. It is a disconcerting feeling, let me tell you." She turned her head to look at Bernie, feeling a few tears start to slip down her cheeks. "I'm sorry to be so maudlin, Berenice."

"It is perfectly okay to be maudlin when you've been through so much over the last few years."

"You've been through more, and have come out on the other side a whole person. It's just me that's broken, jealous, and overwrought." Bernie shook her head, running her fingers through Serena's short hair, staring into her eyes. "I've always been weak."

"No, you are anything but weak. Emotional at times? Yes. You like to hide that behind a chilly exterior, but you have a sweet, tender, heart that you wear on your sleeve where everyone who knows to look can see. And if you're jealous, you'll just have to learn how to appropriately channel that jealousy into a more positive feeling." She nodded a little before letting her head drop onto Bernie's shoulder, trying to find her peace as the flight continued.

"Do you think that things would be easier if I started working with a therapist?" she said suddenly, not lifting her head, wanting to keep her eyes averted from whatever look was present in her partner's eyes. "Mum always viewed them as a sign of giving in, of being unable to handle our problems on our own. So I never learned how to talk to others and tell them what was bothering me. Unless I got thoroughly drunk, that is. Then I have no problem spilling my guts."

"Alcohol often loosens even the tightest lips," she replied. "But I do think that it might be good for you to find someone that you can unburden your heart with. I'm not trained in those sorts of things. I can fix a body, I can't fix a mind." They took a deep breath in tandem, and Serena rubbed her cheek against Bernie's chest, knowing that she would have to ask Henrik for his recommendation on therapists once they were home.


End file.
